Early this morning, in Punxsutawney Pennsylvania, the reports are that Phil, the world famous groundhog prognosticator, did not see his shadow, and therefore we are due an early spring.

On Staten Island, the newcomer to the weather prediction business, the groundhog known as Calogero, aka Charles, aka "Staten Island Chuck" had this to say :  "Shadow?  People, it's freaking pelting ice and rain.  What kind of priorities youse people gots?  Come on!  Now someone get me outta this slop, and into a nice warm burrow before things start to get ugly around here.  Capisce?"

When pressed further about what he thought of Punxsatawney Phil, Chuck said: "That old hack? I thought we took care of him a few years back."  Which naturally led to the question if he'd placed a hit out on Phil.  "A hit?  On Phil?  Why would I waste money on that overstuffed, pampered rat.  I gots no worry about him.  I hear he hardly ever comes out of his hole anymore. A little jumpy about shadows or something. Makes you kinda wonder what's in his past that he's so afraid of, you know? Maybe you should ask him about it."

Phil denies any implications of wrongdoing in his past, claiming that it was his solemn duty as the high ranking member of the Association of Groundhog Weather Predictors to react as appropriate to custom when confronted with shadows.  "It's not," said Phil, "that I'm afraid of my own shadow. One simply cannot be too careful. Do you know what kind of characters lurk in the shadows?  I'm certain Chuck does. Ask him about his associates some time."

Chuck refused to discuss his affiliations with the Italian-American Rodentia Society, claiming it nothing more than a social club of those bound by a common ethnic heritage.  "You got questions, come to our spaghetti potluck on Sunday.  It's for the widows and orphans fund."

Meanwhile, Malverne Mel from Long Island had this to say: "How come nobody is asking me what I think?"  To which both Phil and Chuck responded: "Shut up Mel."


Merry Groundhog's day, Happy Candlemas, or Blessed Imbolc folks, whichever you might celebrate.
Tags:
Happy Ground Hog's day everyone.   It looks like it's going to be six more weeks of winter.   Or, wait, perhaps it's going to be spring.

See Punxsutawney Phil has seen his shadow, (as he freaking always does) and so the mayor there has declared there will be six more weeks of winter.

Mayor Bloomberg however, determined not to be left out of the loop, has recruited his own season predicting rodent, one Calogero aka Charles, aka "Chuck" from Staten Island.   Chuck says winter's over.  Everyone get back to work.  There's, ya know, things to do and stuff.

The two opposing views about what kind of a season we're in for in the next few weeks has lead to some confusion in the media.  Some have proposed that there will be spring only in New York City, and winter for the rest of the country.   Others have determined that the issue is clearly due to Global Warming.   At least one theory is that the closer you live to New York City, the shorter your winter will be.   New Jersey Residents can expect anywhere from two more weeks, to four, depending of whether you live on the north east, or south west side of the state.   The two drastically opposing predictions has left many in a state of confusion.  One innocent bystander was practically in tears: "I thought all the groundhogs knew what it was going to be.  How could there be confusion like this.  Is the end of the world near?"   There are rumors that the disparate predictions are leading to a major rumble in the Order of Rodentia. 

Phil was heard to claim that this new groundhog, trying to muscle in on his long established turf as "The Groundhog" as a pathetic attempt at grandstanding.   "I hear he did see his shadow, and refused to do the right thing, to accurately keep to the groundhog code, and go back into his burrow.  But what else do you expect from a city hog.  He probably doesn't know what it's like to stand out on the open ground, and worry when a redtail hawk, or eagle might swoop down and take you out."

In an interview with the press, Chuck was heard to say: "It's a shadow.  Get over it.  You think I gots time to worry about some sorta shadow?  We got real things to worry about here in the city.  You know how many good rodents are out of work right now?  They can't even manage to scavenge for scraps out at Fresh Kill's and this yokel from Pennsyltucky is worried about his own shadow?  Please."

Phil continued to decry Chuck as a disgrace to all groundhogs, and urged the media to ignore his pathetic attempts at prognostication.

Chuck's responded with, "I hear that hunting season is starting early in Pennsylvania this year.   Perhaps Phil might wish to keep that in mind.   I've been told by my good friends, that guns aren't too hard to obtain in PA."

When asked if he was making a threat, Chuck said.  "I'm a peaceful rodent.  I was merely making an observation, and expressing concern for my brother rodent's safety.  I'm led to believe that farmers, out where he lives, do not look favorably upon our kind.  I would hate for something untowards to happen to him."

Local authorities, however, have taken steps to insure Phil's safety, "as a precaution."


------------------------------------------------
Happy Candlemas, or Imbolc folks, whichever you might celebrate.
Tags:
Happy Ground Hog's day everyone.   It looks like it's going to be six more weeks of winter.   Or, wait, perhaps it's going to be spring.

See Punxsutawney Phil has seen his shadow, (as he freaking always does) and so the mayor there has declared there will be six more weeks of winter.

Mayor Bloomberg however, determined not to be left out of the loop, has recruited his own season predicting rodent, one Calogero aka Charles, aka "Chuck" from Staten Island.   Chuck says winter's over.  Everyone get back to work.  There's, ya know, things to do and stuff.

The two opposing views about what kind of a season we're in for in the next few weeks has lead to some confusion in the media.  Some have proposed that there will be spring only in New York City, and winter for the rest of the country.   Others have determined that the issue is clearly due to Global Warming.   At least one theory is that the closer you live to New York City, the shorter your winter will be.   New Jersey Residents can expect anywhere from two more weeks, to four, depending of whether you live on the north east, or south west side of the state.   The two drastically opposing predictions has left many in a state of confusion.  One innocent bystander was practically in tears: "I thought all the groundhogs knew what it was going to be.  How could there be confusion like this.  Is the end of the world near?"   There are rumors that the disparate predictions are leading to a major rumble in the Order of Rodentia. 

Phil was heard to claim that this new groundhog, trying to muscle in on his long established turf as "The Groundhog" as a pathetic attempt at grandstanding.   "I hear he did see his shadow, and refused to do the right thing, to accurately keep to the groundhog code, and go back into his burrow.  But what else do you expect from a city hog.  He probably doesn't know what it's like to stand out on the open ground, and worry when a redtail hawk, or eagle might swoop down and take you out."

In an interview with the press, Chuck was heard to say: "It's a shadow.  Get over it.  You think I gots time to worry about some sorta shadow?  We got real things to worry about here in the city.  You know how many good rodents are out of work right now?  They can't even manage to scavenge for scraps out at Fresh Kill's and this yokel from Pennsyltucky is worried about his own shadow?  Please."

Phil continued to decry Chuck as a disgrace to all groundhogs, and urged the media to ignore his pathetic attempts at prognostication.

Chuck's responded with, "I hear that hunting season is starting early in Pennsylvania this year.   Perhaps Phil might wish to keep that in mind.   I've been told by my good friends, that guns aren't too hard to obtain in PA."

When asked if he was making a threat, Chuck said.  "I'm a peaceful rodent.  I was merely making an observation, and expressing concern for my brother rodent's safety.  I'm led to believe that farmers, out where he lives, do not look favorably upon our kind.  I would hate for something untowards to happen to him."

Local authorities, however, have taken steps to insure Phil's safety, "as a precaution."


------------------------------------------------
Happy Candlemas, or Imbolc folks, whichever you might celebrate.
Tags:
.

Profile

temporus: (Default)
Edward Greaves

Syndicate

RSS Atom

Most Popular Tags

Powered by Dreamwidth Studios

Style Credit

Expand Cut Tags

No cut tags