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Early this morning, in Punxsutawney Pennsylvania, the reports are that Phil, the world famous groundhog prognosticator, did not see his shadow, and therefore we are due an early spring.
On Staten Island, the newcomer to the weather prediction business, the groundhog known as Calogero, aka Charles, aka "Staten Island Chuck" had this to say : "Shadow? People, it's freaking pelting ice and rain. What kind of priorities youse people gots? Come on! Now someone get me outta this slop, and into a nice warm burrow before things start to get ugly around here. Capisce?"
When pressed further about what he thought of Punxsatawney Phil, Chuck said: "That old hack? I thought we took care of him a few years back." Which naturally led to the question if he'd placed a hit out on Phil. "A hit? On Phil? Why would I waste money on that overstuffed, pampered rat. I gots no worry about him. I hear he hardly ever comes out of his hole anymore. A little jumpy about shadows or something. Makes you kinda wonder what's in his past that he's so afraid of, you know? Maybe you should ask him about it."
Phil denies any implications of wrongdoing in his past, claiming that it was his solemn duty as the high ranking member of the Association of Groundhog Weather Predictors to react as appropriate to custom when confronted with shadows. "It's not," said Phil, "that I'm afraid of my own shadow. One simply cannot be too careful. Do you know what kind of characters lurk in the shadows? I'm certain Chuck does. Ask him about his associates some time."
Chuck refused to discuss his affiliations with the Italian-American Rodentia Society, claiming it nothing more than a social club of those bound by a common ethnic heritage. "You got questions, come to our spaghetti potluck on Sunday. It's for the widows and orphans fund."
Meanwhile, Malverne Mel from Long Island had this to say: "How come nobody is asking me what I think?" To which both Phil and Chuck responded: "Shut up Mel."
Merry Groundhog's day, Happy Candlemas, or Blessed Imbolc folks, whichever you might celebrate.
On Staten Island, the newcomer to the weather prediction business, the groundhog known as Calogero, aka Charles, aka "Staten Island Chuck" had this to say : "Shadow? People, it's freaking pelting ice and rain. What kind of priorities youse people gots? Come on! Now someone get me outta this slop, and into a nice warm burrow before things start to get ugly around here. Capisce?"
When pressed further about what he thought of Punxsatawney Phil, Chuck said: "That old hack? I thought we took care of him a few years back." Which naturally led to the question if he'd placed a hit out on Phil. "A hit? On Phil? Why would I waste money on that overstuffed, pampered rat. I gots no worry about him. I hear he hardly ever comes out of his hole anymore. A little jumpy about shadows or something. Makes you kinda wonder what's in his past that he's so afraid of, you know? Maybe you should ask him about it."
Phil denies any implications of wrongdoing in his past, claiming that it was his solemn duty as the high ranking member of the Association of Groundhog Weather Predictors to react as appropriate to custom when confronted with shadows. "It's not," said Phil, "that I'm afraid of my own shadow. One simply cannot be too careful. Do you know what kind of characters lurk in the shadows? I'm certain Chuck does. Ask him about his associates some time."
Chuck refused to discuss his affiliations with the Italian-American Rodentia Society, claiming it nothing more than a social club of those bound by a common ethnic heritage. "You got questions, come to our spaghetti potluck on Sunday. It's for the widows and orphans fund."
Meanwhile, Malverne Mel from Long Island had this to say: "How come nobody is asking me what I think?" To which both Phil and Chuck responded: "Shut up Mel."
Merry Groundhog's day, Happy Candlemas, or Blessed Imbolc folks, whichever you might celebrate.
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