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Happy Ground Hog's day everyone. It looks like it's going to be six more weeks of winter. Or, wait, perhaps it's going to be spring.
See Punxsutawney Phil has seen his shadow, (as he freaking always does) and so the mayor there has declared there will be six more weeks of winter.
Mayor Bloomberg however, determined not to be left out of the loop, has recruited his own season predicting rodent, one Calogero aka Charles, aka "Chuck" from Staten Island. Chuck says winter's over. Everyone get back to work. There's, ya know, things to do and stuff.
The two opposing views about what kind of a season we're in for in the next few weeks has lead to some confusion in the media. Some have proposed that there will be spring only in New York City, and winter for the rest of the country. Others have determined that the issue is clearly due to Global Warming. At least one theory is that the closer you live to New York City, the shorter your winter will be. New Jersey Residents can expect anywhere from two more weeks, to four, depending of whether you live on the north east, or south west side of the state. The two drastically opposing predictions has left many in a state of confusion. One innocent bystander was practically in tears: "I thought all the groundhogs knew what it was going to be. How could there be confusion like this. Is the end of the world near?" There are rumors that the disparate predictions are leading to a major rumble in the Order of Rodentia.
Phil was heard to claim that this new groundhog, trying to muscle in on his long established turf as "The Groundhog" as a pathetic attempt at grandstanding. "I hear he did see his shadow, and refused to do the right thing, to accurately keep to the groundhog code, and go back into his burrow. But what else do you expect from a city hog. He probably doesn't know what it's like to stand out on the open ground, and worry when a redtail hawk, or eagle might swoop down and take you out."
In an interview with the press, Chuck was heard to say: "It's a shadow. Get over it. You think I gots time to worry about some sorta shadow? We got real things to worry about here in the city. You know how many good rodents are out of work right now? They can't even manage to scavenge for scraps out at Fresh Kill's and this yokel from Pennsyltucky is worried about his own shadow? Please."
Phil continued to decry Chuck as a disgrace to all groundhogs, and urged the media to ignore his pathetic attempts at prognostication.
Chuck's responded with, "I hear that hunting season is starting early in Pennsylvania this year. Perhaps Phil might wish to keep that in mind. I've been told by my good friends, that guns aren't too hard to obtain in PA."
When asked if he was making a threat, Chuck said. "I'm a peaceful rodent. I was merely making an observation, and expressing concern for my brother rodent's safety. I'm led to believe that farmers, out where he lives, do not look favorably upon our kind. I would hate for something untowards to happen to him."
Local authorities, however, have taken steps to insure Phil's safety, "as a precaution."
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Happy Candlemas, or Imbolc folks, whichever you might celebrate.
See Punxsutawney Phil has seen his shadow, (as he freaking always does) and so the mayor there has declared there will be six more weeks of winter.
Mayor Bloomberg however, determined not to be left out of the loop, has recruited his own season predicting rodent, one Calogero aka Charles, aka "Chuck" from Staten Island. Chuck says winter's over. Everyone get back to work. There's, ya know, things to do and stuff.
The two opposing views about what kind of a season we're in for in the next few weeks has lead to some confusion in the media. Some have proposed that there will be spring only in New York City, and winter for the rest of the country. Others have determined that the issue is clearly due to Global Warming. At least one theory is that the closer you live to New York City, the shorter your winter will be. New Jersey Residents can expect anywhere from two more weeks, to four, depending of whether you live on the north east, or south west side of the state. The two drastically opposing predictions has left many in a state of confusion. One innocent bystander was practically in tears: "I thought all the groundhogs knew what it was going to be. How could there be confusion like this. Is the end of the world near?" There are rumors that the disparate predictions are leading to a major rumble in the Order of Rodentia.
Phil was heard to claim that this new groundhog, trying to muscle in on his long established turf as "The Groundhog" as a pathetic attempt at grandstanding. "I hear he did see his shadow, and refused to do the right thing, to accurately keep to the groundhog code, and go back into his burrow. But what else do you expect from a city hog. He probably doesn't know what it's like to stand out on the open ground, and worry when a redtail hawk, or eagle might swoop down and take you out."
In an interview with the press, Chuck was heard to say: "It's a shadow. Get over it. You think I gots time to worry about some sorta shadow? We got real things to worry about here in the city. You know how many good rodents are out of work right now? They can't even manage to scavenge for scraps out at Fresh Kill's and this yokel from Pennsyltucky is worried about his own shadow? Please."
Phil continued to decry Chuck as a disgrace to all groundhogs, and urged the media to ignore his pathetic attempts at prognostication.
Chuck's responded with, "I hear that hunting season is starting early in Pennsylvania this year. Perhaps Phil might wish to keep that in mind. I've been told by my good friends, that guns aren't too hard to obtain in PA."
When asked if he was making a threat, Chuck said. "I'm a peaceful rodent. I was merely making an observation, and expressing concern for my brother rodent's safety. I'm led to believe that farmers, out where he lives, do not look favorably upon our kind. I would hate for something untowards to happen to him."
Local authorities, however, have taken steps to insure Phil's safety, "as a precaution."
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Happy Candlemas, or Imbolc folks, whichever you might celebrate.
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Of course any groundhog who lived around here would be safely hibernated and would have been far too smart to even stick his nose out into the snowbanks...
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